At my suburban Chicago house, two centers of gravity dominate Thanksgiving: the dining table and the TV. This year, the Bears kick off against the Lions in Detroit at 1pm Eastern, which means my family will be negotiating whether the turkey comes out before halftime or after. As a mother of five, I have learned that seating charts, carving duties, and remote-control rights all require a bit of governance, especially when bringing other voices to the table (including that crazy aunt or uncle).

The families that thrive aren’t the ones without disagreements. They are those who agree on how to work through them and long before anyone raises their voice over the last slice of pie.

After more than three decades advising family-owned businesses, I see the same dynamics play out in boardrooms: It’s not about disagreement, it’s about how disagreement is handled. For those families gathering this year, here are five lessons gleaned from the strongest family businesses I have counseled.

 

1. Align the owners before you pass the stuffing.

The biggest predictor of a family business’s health is whether the owners desire the same things. Some family members favor reinvestment for growth. Others crave steady dividends. Some wish to stay involved for decades, and others quietly want out. None of these goals are wrong, but unspoken differences foster resentments, and resentments spark lawsuits.

Strong families put these questions on the table early and examine them often. They consider members’ time horizons, how much risk they’re comfortable with, and what each wants from the business.

 

2. Let management call the plays.

Every Bears fan in my family believes they could call a better game than the coaches. Thankfully, none of us is on the sideline. Family owners face the same temptation: second-guessing every decision from the comfort of the couch.

The best family businesses set the direction and then step back. Owners define the vision, values, and long-term goals. Management, whether family or not, is empowered to execute against them, held accountable for results, and trusted to make the daily calls. When roles blur, talented non-family executives leave, and family members in the business never get the chance to truly lead.

 

3. Adopt a succession plan – and know your options.

Too many founders treat succession like the dishes after dinner: Someone will deal with it later. Later often arrives as a health scare, a family rift, or an unsolicited offer. By then, the choices have narrowed.

Strong family businesses plan for both leadership and ownership succession years ahead. They identify and develop the next generation of leaders, and they decide how ownership will transition in a way that is fair to family members both inside and outside the business.

This is where I encourage families to look at a partial ESOP. Selling a minority stake, say 30 or 40 percent, to an employee stock ownership plan can give senior family members liquidity and diversification while the family retains control. It rewards employees who helped build the company, offers meaningful tax advantages, and keeps the business independent and rooted in its community. It also preserves flexibility. The family can sell more to the ESOP over time or keep the remaining stake for the next generation. It’s not the right answer for every family, but it belongs at the table.

4. Bring outside voices to the huddle.

I believe every good Thanksgiving has a guest or two who isn’t family. They ask fresh questions, often keep everyone on their best behavior, and notice things the rest of us have stopped seeing.

A board of directors with independent members does the same for a family business. They bring expertise the family may lack, challenge assumptions without the baggage of family history, and help mediate when family interests pull in different directions. A board that meets regularly, reviews strategy, and holds management accountable is a clear marker of a family business built to last. A strong board becomes even more important at companies with a partial ESOP because it serves every shareholder — family members and employees alike.

5. Organize and educate the whole family.

The kids’ table doesn’t stay the kids’ table forever. One day those children become shareholders, and how prepared they are depends on what you teach them now.

The most enduring family businesses organize the family itself. They hold regular family meetings, communicate shared values in a family charter or constitution, and set clear policies on who can work in the business and how. They also invest in education so every family member, whether they work at the company or not, understands how to read a financial statement, what it means to be a responsible owner, and why the business matters. An informed family is a united family, and a united family is the best protection a business can have.

Family businesses are the backbone of our economy and of so many communities. I am deeply grateful to the families who have trusted Verit Advisors with their most important decisions, and also to the employees whose hard work makes those businesses worth passing on.

 

So this Thanksgiving, between the kickoff and the last slice of pie, I hope you will find a quiet moment to ask your family the big questions. Are we aligned? Is our leadership empowered? Do we have a plan, a board, and a family ready for what comes next?

And whatever happens in Detroit, go Bears. Happy Thanksgiving!